# 11

Reflecting on my last two papers, I noticed a couple pattern of errors that I continue to repeat in my papers. One of them is a clear thesis. One of my weaknesses in writing is stating and identifying a clear thesis, I always tend to write more sentences than needed and sometimes I end up confusing the reader and myself to be honest. I definitely need to be more clear in a single stated sentence.

Another error I have noticed in my papers is the title! (ironic enough the easiest thing) When writing the final draft I totally forget to come up with a creative title. I always end up putting the general name of the essay I am writing .

One more error In noticed is being specific. When writing my papers I don't really read from the audiences point of view. therefore I don't explain what I state sometimes. For example, in the analysis essay.I explained what I thought but I really didn't get into deeper meaning and therefore I wasn't being specific. I realized when writing papers I should re read from the audiences perspective.

These are a few errors I have noticed (so far).

extra credit ;)

So I decided to choose a topic that has recently been going on. I am sure a lot of people have heard of this experiment, charity case thing, "Kony 2012". If not it's a 30 minute video on you tube informing us about a criminal in Uganda, Africa who basically abducts children right out of there home, turns the boys into child soldiers and the girls, sex slaves. the sort of Fear is power theory going on. Now I myself am not aware of events around the world. I actually prefer not to pay attention to those things most of the time because it honestly depresses me and I feel as if I (as an individual) can do nothing about those things. (I don't know, it's just my opinion.) But anyways, one of my friends on Facebook posted the video on their page and it intrigued me so I watched the full 30 minutes and I can honestly say it motivated me! It made me care about those kids! The video stated basically by making him famous, we can help what's going on in Uganda. That America will realize how passionate we are and send troops in to help the military in Uganda capture this criminal. The video did a great job informing and motivating. I honestly wanted to help and it did not seem that hard to do so. Older generations are always talking about how messed up our generation is and all we care about is media and internet and our iPods, so I thought this was perfect to show we can help through technology. Soon people were telling me of events that were going to happen so that we can make Kony known such as posting pictures around the city. I told myself I would go along with it as long as someone kept me informed. Meanwhile being the Facebooker I am, I noticed a bunch of statuses about Kony 2012 project. People agreed that if we can help why not? other said it was a scam and why are we wasting time worrying about what's happening over there when we should be worrying about what's happening here given that Chicago's crime rate is rising and we have one of the most dangerous neighborhoods according to a list along with the media. Pretty soon I totally forgot about Kony2012. I went about my life working, writing paper for class until I realized no one was paying attention to it anymore. Was it just a hot trend that was over? Recently, the guy who basically put the whole video together and the spokesperson for Kony2012 was actually arrested for masturbating in public! yea, big shocker for someone who wants to help a country. Like the guy couldn't control himself? Seriously?! But that's not the point. The point is was it a hot trend? Just because people were talking about it we went with it? Do we actually care about things going on in the world? At the beginning of the video, it did state it was an experiment. So did we fail?

free topic- #9

My college experience so far has been pretty good, not as hard as I expected college to be. I enjoy the freedom that comes with college compared to high school. There is no security forcing you to stay and no slackers. Everyone does there work and is focused, in other words a positive environment. I pretty much just get in, do what I have to do and then I am free to go. I am in charge of myself and I love that. That's what I love about my college experience. The thing I least like about my college experience is there's a lot of freedom. It's not that professors don't care if you fail or even show up to class but it's definetely different from high school as to where teachers are hunting you down if you ditch their class. I jumped into college fresh out of high school so, there is some things I am still adjusting to.

Assignment # 7 Reflecting On Progress

Looking back on my first blog post and reflecting upon It, I would say that by writing these two papers so far I am learning different techniques and structures on how to write different genres of essays. I do feel as If I am making progress In the paper writing area, although I don't feel as If I am learning anything new with grammar. I remember one day In class we were going over the FANBOYS words and to use them but I did not really get it in class. Identifying with adverbs and pronouns has always been a weakness of mine. So I definitely hope to improve more by the end of the semester. Maybe in another future assignment Ill be able to fully understand and improve those skills. I feel that this class is helping me and I wouldn't want to change it. Although I am horrible at giving feedback during peer review, I do believe it helps a lot with improving essays. Especially since when it comes too papers I am little to organized as in the sense of writing topics for every paragraph.

Assignment #6 - Rhetorical Situations :)

Both rhetorical situations for both papers are different. In my literacy Narrative it was more along the aspect of writing about an event in your life that has to do with literacy, and it wasn't specifically aimed at an audience, but to whom ever the reader is that is interested in reading the paper; basically telling a story. The tone in a literacy narrative varies depending on the writer. In an analysis essay it pretty much describes the deeper meaning of an advertisement and answers a lot of questions as to why the advertisement uses certain colors and what message is it trying to give to its audience? (not just basic, obvious observations.) Both papers are different genres and require different things.

Purpose- I Think the purpose of this ad is to sort of give you the feeling that purchasing the brand Skyy Vodka will give you some sort of power (You're thee man!), and even the attraction of a lady. Given that the guy is standing above the female with the alcohol brand in hand and fully dressed in a professional, classy, suit. Face it sex sells! When there's a female in an ad wearing a bikini and showing off her assets, I feel it will definitely cause attention. Notice that the female is lifting her sunglasses up. I've always felt that when anybody lifts their shades up and staring, that the male in the ad caught the females attention. 

Audience- This ad is targeting a 21+ crowd, possibly more toward men who feel desired to be successful and the fantasy of power and an attractive female on the side. Of course that may not be it but given that the female does look of a younger age.

Genre- I am not really sure what kind of genre this ad is representing, but as a guess I would say modern. It does compare to other alcohol ads as well. Theirs usually always an attractive female In Ads such as these.

Tone-  With the vibrant blue and light colors, I would say the tone is very relaxed and fun in this ad. It's a sunny day and why not get intoxicated, is pretty much what this ad is trying to go for.

Revision :)

When comparing my rough draft paper to my final draft paper, obviously there's a few differences.When writing my rough draft paper I pretty much just free write and write whatever to get to the point. During peer review, my peer made me realize I did forget the little things like hello, description! So In my final paper I described the place and family members I mention so you can pretty much get a feel from where I am coming from and probably even relate to my paper. I also reread my paper and decided I can add more to it, just sentences that i thought were not independent clauses or full thoughts. I didn't really change my paper because I felt I didn't need to. The Literacy narrative is a story of your experience, filled with your thoughts. Of course my thought cannot be stated wrong, well maybe but I felt it wasn't necessary to, so I only changed a few things. I would say the peer review and the clause lesson in class pretty much influenced my revisions. I feel what makes my paper strong is the story itself and how it still affects me today as I continue to struggle with it.