#14

For my portfolio assignment I Chose to revise my argument analysis essay. Some strengths in this essay are that I supported my thesis with evidence and quotes from the text, and I also described the position with my own reasons as well. Some of my weaknesses are that I didn't connect the ideas clearly to the main idea and how it all relates. To effectively revise my essay I am going to re read every paragraph and see how I can connect the ideas to the thesis and make sure I clearly explain further anything else. I need to make sure I clarify the ideas and support them with facts.

#13

I analyzed the essay, "Free Speech Off Campus Must Be Protected". In that essay the writer had a trustworthy tone because he knew what he was talking about by backing up his claims with statistics and facts. a well informed, knowledgeable tone is key in persuading an audience. Learning this I will be aware of my tone in my paper.

I also noticed in the paper the write didn't really make a clear sentence thesis statement. I learned when writing an arguable position you must not write terms such as "I feel strongly or "I feel". you must clearly state it and sound one hundred percent as if it was a fact for the reader to take you serious and back your claim up.

In this essay the writer did a good job in considering the other positions values and stating them in his paper. He then explained it and talked about his position opposed to the other sides position. He also stated the situation and information to his audience before he jumped right in and talked about what side he is on. I learned when writing a paper it is best and makes your argument stronger when you consider the opposing positions ideas and stating the information first.

# 12

Topic Q: should citizens be permitted to carry a concealed weapon?

Thesis: Due to recent and continuous cases and events, it proves that citizens should not be permitted to carry a concealed weapon.

Compelling argument: after creating my chart, I would say that when carrying a weapon, it is dangerous to the carrier and people around the citizen. if a citizen believes he/her is in danger and that accusation is false, it can lead to unfortunate events and accidents that should not have happened in the first place due to the fact that the citizen had a weapon on them. This is my compelling argument because there has been an incident that has already happened of the killing of a young boy who was in fact not endangering anyone and his life was taken. My audience might already be aware of this.

Weak argument: You don't need to carry a weapon on a daily basis to protect yourself. there are other ways. this is the weak part of my argument because the opposing position might argue that no one will help if you are in danger and you can't rely on other people for your safety.

# 11

Reflecting on my last two papers, I noticed a couple pattern of errors that I continue to repeat in my papers. One of them is a clear thesis. One of my weaknesses in writing is stating and identifying a clear thesis, I always tend to write more sentences than needed and sometimes I end up confusing the reader and myself to be honest. I definitely need to be more clear in a single stated sentence.

Another error I have noticed in my papers is the title! (ironic enough the easiest thing) When writing the final draft I totally forget to come up with a creative title. I always end up putting the general name of the essay I am writing .

One more error In noticed is being specific. When writing my papers I don't really read from the audiences point of view. therefore I don't explain what I state sometimes. For example, in the analysis essay.I explained what I thought but I really didn't get into deeper meaning and therefore I wasn't being specific. I realized when writing papers I should re read from the audiences perspective.

These are a few errors I have noticed (so far).

extra credit ;)

So I decided to choose a topic that has recently been going on. I am sure a lot of people have heard of this experiment, charity case thing, "Kony 2012". If not it's a 30 minute video on you tube informing us about a criminal in Uganda, Africa who basically abducts children right out of there home, turns the boys into child soldiers and the girls, sex slaves. the sort of Fear is power theory going on. Now I myself am not aware of events around the world. I actually prefer not to pay attention to those things most of the time because it honestly depresses me and I feel as if I (as an individual) can do nothing about those things. (I don't know, it's just my opinion.) But anyways, one of my friends on Facebook posted the video on their page and it intrigued me so I watched the full 30 minutes and I can honestly say it motivated me! It made me care about those kids! The video stated basically by making him famous, we can help what's going on in Uganda. That America will realize how passionate we are and send troops in to help the military in Uganda capture this criminal. The video did a great job informing and motivating. I honestly wanted to help and it did not seem that hard to do so. Older generations are always talking about how messed up our generation is and all we care about is media and internet and our iPods, so I thought this was perfect to show we can help through technology. Soon people were telling me of events that were going to happen so that we can make Kony known such as posting pictures around the city. I told myself I would go along with it as long as someone kept me informed. Meanwhile being the Facebooker I am, I noticed a bunch of statuses about Kony 2012 project. People agreed that if we can help why not? other said it was a scam and why are we wasting time worrying about what's happening over there when we should be worrying about what's happening here given that Chicago's crime rate is rising and we have one of the most dangerous neighborhoods according to a list along with the media. Pretty soon I totally forgot about Kony2012. I went about my life working, writing paper for class until I realized no one was paying attention to it anymore. Was it just a hot trend that was over? Recently, the guy who basically put the whole video together and the spokesperson for Kony2012 was actually arrested for masturbating in public! yea, big shocker for someone who wants to help a country. Like the guy couldn't control himself? Seriously?! But that's not the point. The point is was it a hot trend? Just because people were talking about it we went with it? Do we actually care about things going on in the world? At the beginning of the video, it did state it was an experiment. So did we fail?

free topic- #9

My college experience so far has been pretty good, not as hard as I expected college to be. I enjoy the freedom that comes with college compared to high school. There is no security forcing you to stay and no slackers. Everyone does there work and is focused, in other words a positive environment. I pretty much just get in, do what I have to do and then I am free to go. I am in charge of myself and I love that. That's what I love about my college experience. The thing I least like about my college experience is there's a lot of freedom. It's not that professors don't care if you fail or even show up to class but it's definetely different from high school as to where teachers are hunting you down if you ditch their class. I jumped into college fresh out of high school so, there is some things I am still adjusting to.

Assignment # 7 Reflecting On Progress

Looking back on my first blog post and reflecting upon It, I would say that by writing these two papers so far I am learning different techniques and structures on how to write different genres of essays. I do feel as If I am making progress In the paper writing area, although I don't feel as If I am learning anything new with grammar. I remember one day In class we were going over the FANBOYS words and to use them but I did not really get it in class. Identifying with adverbs and pronouns has always been a weakness of mine. So I definitely hope to improve more by the end of the semester. Maybe in another future assignment Ill be able to fully understand and improve those skills. I feel that this class is helping me and I wouldn't want to change it. Although I am horrible at giving feedback during peer review, I do believe it helps a lot with improving essays. Especially since when it comes too papers I am little to organized as in the sense of writing topics for every paragraph.